More Tales from the Grocery Store: Women's Purses

Women love to shop. But not for groceries. The sooner that endeavor is over, the better.

Even when they leave with a full cart of bagged goods, they are already worrying about unloading it and putting it away. I've been to homes where groceries are removed from the car but that's as far as they get--the kitchen floor. Perishables are grudgingly put away. The rest of the household graze out of the scattered purhcases like feed bags or rummage through the sacks like street people.

Were the purchases clothes and/or accessories, well... such a cart of loot would be unloaded immediately, tried on, flaunted and lovingly put away.

But I have observed this rather strange, unique phenomenon amongst the female species. To make grocery shopping more appealing and motivating, women often bring the largest purse they own. It's one occasion when a saddle bag becomes feasible--they plunk it into the cart as though it were a horse. Giddy up! Astride the child seat, it rides with them as though it were their trusty friend Tonto.  And they fiddle through its cluttered interior, elbows resting on the cart handle, as they meander the aisles happy not to have to lug it on their shoulder and to have something, anything, as a diversion to the task at hand.

When they check out, the purse stays put. They. Will. Not. Move. It. And who can blame them? It weighs more than a bag of canned groceries! I need to re-fill that cart with their groceries as I bag them. After they unload their purchases onto the conveyor belt, they still guard that purse. But I can't wait. I have to re-fill it as I bag.

I used to be polite and trot over to it. Now I just yank it forward. Most women become alarmed. "MY PURSE!!!" It amuses me to see their terrified faces as though I'm going to steal it and run out the door. No one can run burdened down with a weight like that. Not even the best of New York muggers.

The situation is complicated when they choose one of the compact, small carts. The purse takes up most of the space. Where to put the groceries as I bag them? Simple. Right on top of the purse. Most women get the idea and move it. Many couldn't care less. Oh, well . . . 

Women also love, love, love, to have the exact change. Down. To. The. Penny. The line behind them can be a a mile long. No matter. If it takes all day, they are determined to rummage through that purse for the exact change! They then lay it down. Coin. By. Coin. OMG! Don't even get me started if they write a check. It takes forever, like putting on makeup. 

But, WAIT!

Are they done yet? NO. They put everything back into their purse. Look around. Have I forgotten something? Oh, let's check the purse one last time. Where are my keys.... Do they move aside to do this so the next person in line can move forward? Never.

Men could care less. Men love a quick get away. I think they're wired for it. They only carry what will fit into their pockets. They pull out a wad of bills and that's that. They don't even care about a thank-you. And they're gone. They got what they wanted. I guess . . . it's kind of like sex.

P.S. And remember, please leave your dirty, filthy, germ-infested, dog-hair-covered, stored-in-the-car-trunk recyclable bags at home. They're nothing more than dirty laundry. [The other day a woman brought in a bag that was truly disgusting. When they're stained and dirty, I just put them inside a plastic bag and stick it in their cart. Well, this woman was in last week again--but she had all brand new recyclable bags.